Come on in…

Hey! Thank you for visiting my blog. (That word…blog…sounds so unappealing…I had wondered if the word might be prettier in another language but it seems it is nuanced the same in Italian, French & Spanish). Before I was blogging, I was simply writing…actually with pen and paper.  I started in 1991 at the age of 13 because characteristic of age, I was angsty.  I had difficulty expressing my emotions verbally but in my mind words were delectable and delicious, vacuous and velvety, intimate and impeding and as propitious as they were piteous. To lose them, just as I would exhale,  caused me crushing anxiety. I would panic if I had to speak impromptu. I would cry or leave a room, but I wouldn’t throw a tantrum or allow myself to scream and disturb others. I learned that if I could control something, the anxiety would pass so I began to pinch, punch and cut myself so that I could feel something and then soothe it by stopping.  The written word was one way I could save myself from those moments.  I was the girl with the diaries and journals. When cliches keep you alive, you have no choice but to hop on the bandwagon.  So I wrote until I started my career and then in 2015 I took up blogging.

Writing has always started out as my own exploration, but a part of me wanted affirmation and the teacher in me wanted others to learn from my shortcomings and successes, humor and sadness. I don’t want another young person to disregard herself so much that she discards her worth. The subjects that I write about are what they are. You’ll be happy to know that some pieces are actually humorous. And although sadness is a thread, I don’t want an end, even if my writing comes close.  I want to keep fighting and if this keeps me here and possibly helps someone else, then I have to reveal my good, bad and ugly in a variety of human experiences. I am a strong, dedicated, and successful  teacher of 17 years and I have lived, coped, loved and done my best. I have a family who has fought this battle with me, despite my tendency to retreat inside. And no matter what, I still find a way to Love, always.

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